DOMESTIC VIOLENCE....

With a torn heart I wish to post this blog today. The title of this post spurs from the recent happenings in the country  today. Women with unfulfilled destinies lying in cold blood! Children been forced to live without their mothers.. Kids made to watch their mum's go through the most inhumane treatment from men they recognize as their father.. The stigma never leaves... The memory lingers...

               '' Mummy is not waking up ...! Mummy is not waking up!!...'' They continuously pull on her clothes..tears flowing non-stop from their eyes! Fear beyond all telling builds up within them... it all seems like a dream.. they watch her eyelids hoping for a flicker of hope and yet she lies there motionless.. while her husband flees before the break of dawn...

                              Love that once blossomed becomes nothing but a faux! 

Marriage is a union of two imperfect people. Its a shame that we are in the age where most people nod their heads at the saying ''It's a Man's World'' and so they do what ever they like and act however they wish which is totally unfair. Men who do these things would not stand another man treat their sisters with such disdain. They forget that she was created from their ribs and that she is but a reflection of them!

Imagine a world where it's ''natural'' for a man to cheat on his wife but an absolute abomination for her to do likewise....

''natural'' for a man to bear children out of wedlock but abnormal for the woman...

''natural'' for a man to make mistakes in life but unacceptable for a woman to do same....

''natural'' for a man to be unforgiving but ''witchcraft'' for a woman to be likewise 

''natural'' for a man to talk her down but ''disrespectful'' for her to do same......and you wonder why the average African Woman hasn't reached her full potential?

I have always said this one thing...A Woman is as an empty pitcher, what you fill her up with is what you get out of her in return. 

Love a woman totally, treat her like your sister ...treat her like your mum.... encourage her to grow... Love her without reserves...and watch her pour her world on you. 

Treat her with disdain and watch her derail into a shadow of herself...

She then becomes angry, bitter, sad and like you know Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

Sadly most men do realize how much they have neglected their spouses and treated them with disdain but they hate to admit it because to some of them it's not ''manly'' to say ''I'm sorry''... Like seriously??

With the rapid  increase in the rate of domestic violence in the country, women are left heartbroken and with the lowest self esteem.... She no longer believes in herself and so re-echos the saying...''it's a Man's World'' all in a bid to justify his action.The atmosphere within the home is so toxic that at every second she palpitates at the door squeaks to let in the next individual.

 Most times when we speak of domestic violence the first thing that comes to mind is an abusive partner physically inflicting pain on the victim but this is only a tip of the ice berg. Domestic violence comes in various forms- It could be Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Financial or psychological.

Getting involved in any of these situations would always leave a woman feeling worthless. it would always create this feeling of hopelessness and self doubt within you and this is not a good sign. 

Couples ought to be matured in their dealings with each other. Do you know what maturity means? It means when somebody hurts you, you ought to  try to understand their situations rather than trying to hurt them back...

'cos we are mere humans, It's alright to hurt your partner unintentionally, it's alright to make mistakes, it's alright to ask for forgiveness and be sincere about it.....but totally disheartening to do the same thing over and over again without remorse because you know they are stuck up on you.

If you do not think you are matured enough for the journey called marriage, why venture into it? 

A man is the head of the home and he ought to love his wife just as Christ loves His Church. The Love of Christ is so Pure and all giving... Despite our numerous offences, He still finds us worthy, He still forgives us....  so why can't you do same?

It is morally wrong by every standard to physically abuse your partner or cause them to go through any form of domestic violence.. 

First is the Physically Abused... This as you know is the most popular form of domestic violence where force is exerted against their victim thus causing injuries which could be minor or major..A slap, punch or kick is just as dangerous as stabbing or shooting you.. Do not allow him abuse you for any reason..Get out of that relationship! 

To hell with the Make up sex... some say it's the most amazing! but I say...Like Seriously?? You would risk your life for 10 mins of pleasure? You must BE insane!! 

Next is the Emotional Abuse...When all he does is throw demeaning words at you.... When nothing you do is ever good enough.. Then you are been Emotionally Abused and just so you know, this is another form of domestic abuse which you must refuse with every bit of you. How can you raise sound-minded kids when your life lacks luster? How can you raise bold and confident kids when you are miserably timid? 

This form of abuse is most times misconstrued at the onset and this may be due to differences in age, status or race between partners. 

No one has the right to put you down! No one has the right to destroy your self - worth! 

Submissiveness is not stupidity and so any form of persistent insult, humiliation or criticism should not be left to linger even for a sec!...PERIOD!!

Next is the Sexual Abuse....! Sex as you know ought to be pleasurable and consenting by two individuals. No one ought to be coerced into making love out of their free will. You would be liable of sexual abuse when you rape your spouses or force them to engage in a sexual act which they do not like. I read a story of a man who had always fantasized about having an orgy.. He made his wife join in or watch him...! This is but one story... how about the untold stories? Woman with scars in between their thighs, bruises in their vaginas caused by constant hard thrusting from a boyfriend or husband who doesn't care enough for a foreplay...... Men who have virtually turned their wife's into sex slaves and also those who starve their spouses of sex.. They go out and get their groove on but leave their spouses to masturbate for all they care...'cos they would not even touch her...

Next is the Financial Abuse...When spouses have no access to any form of finance except through their abusive partners and so getting any of their needs is a nightmare! These partners exert a strong control over the abused individual leaving them traumatized and in great fear... Did you know that there are men who despite their financial capability cannot stand their wives looking all creme and chic? They would rather have them looking tattered and insecure.. These women have become a shadow of themselves... Its so Ridiculous!

Next is the Psychological Abuse.... Women getting so threatened by their abusive partners that they can't leave the house unless he permits, or until he  accompanies her ... Some victims have virtually excused all of their friends both males and females because their spouses would rather have them gazing into space in the confines of their homes than  engaging their friends in any form of conversation.. How Oppressing!

Whatever the  circumstance you find yourself in, you need to get help as soon as possible... 

All other forms of abuse asides the physical assault could be addressed through counselling.  Speaking with your pastors or marriage counselors about the abuse and how it makes you feel would always leave you feeling a lot better and when you both engage in these counselling sessions with the right attitude, a positive lasting solution is inevitable. 

On the contrary, if you are physically abused then you need to head right OUT OF THE DOOR...PERIOD! 

Sadly most abused women have been forced to stay with their partners who abuse them physically simply because of the circle they are wound up in.....

Circles such as...

                  Parents who keep reminding her to stay put for the sake of her children...

                 Religious circles who never stop chanting ''Prayer is the Key'' even when she is hurt...

                Friends who send her great inspirational movies.. the likes of War room and Courageous...forgetting that the characters portrayed in those movies did not beat their spouses to pulp!

                  Her self created circle of shame as she never stops thinking of what people would say about her when she leaves especially after singing his praises around her friends and acting like all was well..after the flamboyant wedding and media coverage....after all the noise.. She's too ashamed to run!

It is better to get out with your life intact while still praying for his conversion as always... rather than sit in there and wait till you are lying in your own pool of blood..

Sleeping in your spouse's arms has to be the safest and most comfortable place in the world..and so if this isn't the case... then you might need to reassess this relationship!

I wish to admonish young singles to please get married for the right reasons. The journey to be embarked upon goes way beyond the Bella Naija features... way beyond the exotic meals, champagnes, Music and Fashion..... way beyond all the glitters and cameras...

                   It would all begin by 6 am and be over before the Channels TV News at 10 pm.. 

                                    Everyone goes back home... leaving you both alone..

                                                        The real journey then begins..

                                                                 Be ready! Be sure! 

             If he had ever hit you once...HE WOULD DEFINITELY HIT YOU AGAIN! 

''Women were created to be LOVED not abused. Any man who abuses women is ignorant, insecure and weak. Real men PROTECT Women'' - Myles Munroe