Singles - Before the Vows....

Hello everyone.. We can not deny the fuss these days about getting married.. I have only been married for a little over a year but long enough to know that there are keys that unlock healthy relationships which eventually leads to a healthy marriage. 

Getting married is one of the biggest decision you would ever make and so you might have to really choose wisely... Some people base their relationships on lies and deceits  and I keep wondering what good would ever come out of such relationships...

You must remember that you are completely entrusting your entire life to this one person.. You must take your time ! You hear some couples say they wish they had waited a little longer..

A much older aunt of mine once said these words to me... and only recently upon joining an amazing book club..I read a book by Mike Mudrock on recognizing the spouse meant for you and it was an eye opener!

Just before you take that huge step ...let's discuss some of the things I think you should consider before the journey down the aisle...

1. Don't resist Arguments...

I'll tell you a funny story.. At some point in my life, I met a young vibrant Man and we set out on the journey of a godly relationship... Somewhere along the line..we had a heated argument and that day saw the relationship headed for the rocks... that was the "END". I recall him saying to me... ''I have never heard my mum shout back at my dad neither have I heard my aunt raise her voice at my uncle..I can't have you raise your voice at me''

Whew..I'm like REALLY!! He seemed to me that he lived in a world of his own... Who doesn't argue?? What relationship is void of arguments? If siblings born of the same parents could have unresolved issues, what would happen when two differently brewed individuals come together? 

Arguments are never pleasant but are sometimes necessary to clear the air and resolve certain issues. If you truly love each other, these would help strengthen your relationship. You get to know your likes and dislikes.. Boundaries are set and you know just when not to cross the line.  

2. Let out the Skeletons...

My mum would always say you don't tell a man everything about yourself because someday when the days are sour he would use those faults against you.. I tend to disagree with this notion.. I would believe that if a woman or a man told you his or her flaws..that sends a message of trust and it would be totally inappropriate to let that trust down...

Talk about your flaws... You both need to discuss it! 

Secrets are like poisons that slowly spread through the body..destroying all you've built over time.. Don't keep 'em....Let it out!  If he or she is gonna stay..they would stay! If they ain't gonna stay...they wouldn't stay no matter what you do! DO NOT walk down the aisle holding on to a secret from the past... PLEASE DON'T!!

3. Meet the Family.... 

It's important you realize early enough that they are going to be a part of your life from the moment you walk down the aisle.. Prepare your heart to settle into them...This can not begin after the wedding.... this has to begin Now!  Peradventure things play out awkwardly, you can be sure to iron them out as soon as possible. Do not pretend about the way you feel  just because you want to be married.. .. Let your spouse know how you feel about certain things as their response would eventually give you a heads up on what to expect... 

Don't begin a story you wouldn't keep trending.... So Ladies..!  if you going to use the poundo machine rather than the mortar...STICK TO IT! lol!

4. Meet the Friends...

There goes the saying.. ''Show me your friends and I will .........'' the dotted lines are waiting for you to fill em up..

It important you meet the friends...get into a conversation with them and get to know them better and what they are capable of... Wouldn't it be lovely to recognize the signs your spouses exhibit and where they spewed from.. Trust me ..its not very far off! lol

5. Spend more time together...

Most men are obsessed about their roles as men and find it abominable to deviate from those roles... Even if there are stereotypical gender roles in relationships, real couples ought to be flexible in performing certain tasks together...

Find out how adaptable your spouse is to performing certain roles which are not their forte... If you do not spend more time together, you may never know...

6. Money Matters.....

I talk about this all the time... and have gotten varying remarks on this topic but like I always say..These are totally My Opinion!.... No hard feelings whatsoever..

A stingy man or woman would never miraculously become a cheerful giver... Hello!!!!  

The next thing you hear is ... ''He has changed so much ever since we got married...'' 

Sweetie he did not change.. you were just too wedding blind that you forgot the long journey ahead! 

Financial stress puts a whole lot of pressure on marriages... You need to talk about your finances..You just have to! 

Communicating your financial goals puts you on top of your game and sets you both on a path where you can plan your future together by making responsible decisions. 

Ladies you may need to think carefully If

-You have to tell a lie to get money off your spouse whenever you need something..

-You have to keep asking as he never takes the initiative to get things done for you...

-He frowns, murmurs or complains before getting them done.. 

This does not give you the right to spend excessively because in all of this.. your conscience is your best checkmate.. You would always know when you wrong... it's Simple! Read more on money matters here... moneytrimony

7.  Discuss your life goals...

Quite a few people I know have given up on their life goals upon getting into a union with one that they love. Its amazing when this is done wholeheartedly and without compulsion but when it's otherwise then we have a problem....

 Couples should enter into unions knowing what they both want from life. It goes beyond the sex and lovemaking...  it's much more complicated.. 

Sacrifices might need to be made on both sides but its great to support each other and ensure that no one gives up on their dreams.

Everyone of us has that one friend whom we looked up to in one way or the other...expecting nothing short of excellence but the reverse happened... Marriage, Children... and the rest became history... Do you want to know why? It's simple... Life goals were not discussed...

You can be a COMPLETE WOMAN! Having it all in a perfectly balanced equation.... Husband, Children and your dreams... Yes you CAN!!!!

8. Explore your Sexuality...

Sex is a very important factor. Biblical the bed should be un-defiled! ..... You do not need to have sex before the walk down the aisle but you should by all means talk about it. You need to be certain that you are both sexually compatible... 

Get intimate sometimes and at least be certain that he can get an ERECTION! hmm... 

This might sound funny but it's one big issue that has destroyed countless marriages. Even in godly relationships you can still find out... Ask questions such as what their fantasies are etc..

Some ladies with a rape history may seem not to have overcome the trauma.. and this makes them dread the idea of sex... 

Some men like it rough.. some love anal sex others love the oral more.. bla bla bla... TALK ABOUT IT!!

You need to be know these things... 

Above all of these things, Pray for clear directions concerning your choice spouse! His pleasant gifts are the BEST CHOICES! 

It's an amazing experience walking down the aisle.. when forever after is all you've both got..  *winks*